Vir Bellator Et Lucrum
by Lucy The Lightless
Summary: It was an ending to be expected. Members of the Survey Corps were prepared to die at any moment. Although that resolve had never withered, she found it ever-more bitter that she had begun to hope again just before the end. And that the source of that hope is the very thing that drove her to the end. The Story of Kretza Kirschtein and all she would leave behind.
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

* * *

The ringing in her ears would not cease. The world around her had become a blur of rippling sound, Screaming, the crashing of enormous monstrous feet. If she survived like this, it would be beyond a miracle.

The operation was near-folly. Commander Erwin knew that many would be lost, he was always willing to make that sacrifice, and he always could inspire his soldiers to do the same. They could disregard their fear when given the chance, no one ever wanted to hold onto fear. It was always done as such in a vain effort to pursue what hope was left.

_Hope…_

_Hope. _

Her thoughts were muddled now, the pain becoming so severe that consciousness seemed too arduous…

She managed to give a dry sputtering chuckle.

"…Hope…" she spat, craning her neck up with a groan of pain. "I was right to have given up back then…" She cracked a broken, sardonic grin. "Because, just when I find a reason to hope again-" The pain in her side brought her crashing to the ground again, causing her to squint back at the fading figure.

"He _betrayed_ us…"

_"I'm sorry."_

"Like hell you are." Her eyelids began to droop. It was all she could do to keep her eyes up. Titans were all around, the towering beasts. She could hear the screams of another scout member, she could name him by his scream, and let her thoughts stay with him as the screaming stopped.

Her only hope that there would be _someone_ to remember her when they found her corpse.

"…_dammit…_Where's that…that idiot brother of mine."

If the last thing she remembered was him, that'd be okay. Her life would have come full circle.

But she only wished that it would have ended differently.

_Maybe it was naïve, maybe I got everything wrong maybe…_

Her final thoughts were of the past. Days full of scorching warmth; laughing over tankards of beer; friends lost in this endless fight.

The only thing left, was…


	2. Votum

_Votum-A Vow or prayer, hope._

* * *

_One month earlier, Survey Corps HQ._

The rays of morning sunlight pierced the dull veil of dreams like a knife. She had always been a light sleeper.

A knock came from her door and she grunted a "Come in." The old door swung open to reveal one of soldiers who was assigned to her last command.

"Um, Captain Kretza?"

"Yeah…?" She yawned, running her hands through her ashen blonde hair. "What is it Deina?"

"You have a new assignment from the Commander. You're to oversee the initiation of some recruits from the 104th legion."

Kretza yawned again, stretching her arms and cracking her neck. "Aww _seriously? _I get shackled with the _newbies_?" She swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Being in the Survey Corps for over a year now, she knew that the kinds of people who normally chose to join the arguably _suicidal _quest beyond the walls were…well, to say the least…_unique._

"I can't _imagine_ what kinda nuts we're getting this year."

"Uh, you'd be surprised." Deina responded as she handed the file to her drowsy superior. "The squad you're receiving consists mostly of top 10 graduates." Kretza's eyes shot open when she saw the list and their _stats._

Her mouth screwed up. "I think I know why the commander chose me…" She rubbed the back of her head, yawning once again as she scanned the rest of the list. Her eyebrows creased suddenly when she read an all-too-familiar name half-way down the list.

_Jean Kirschtein, Rank 6_

"What the _hell _is that idiot thinking!?" She exclaimed, glaring at Deina.

"D-don't shoot the messenger!"

"Then get out so I can change, Private!"

"Y-yes ma'am!" She said before scurrying out of the dorm room, slamming the door behind her.

Kretza then swore loudly again. Kicking her desk chair to the ground and scattering the file on the bed. Her hands went to her head, twisting themselves in her hopelessly tangled and scraggly hair.

"C'mon idiot." She hissed through her teeth. "Didn't you tell me you were gonna be and MP?" She plopped back down on her bed. "C'mon. You're an idiot, but…come on…" she kept on babbling out loud to herself since she probably wouldn't have the guts to say this to him. "_I'm _the older sister…_I'm _the one who's supposed to make sacrifices…" She swore again, knotting her hands into the sheets. "…I'm still gonna have to face you…Aren't I?"

The squad of newbies waited downstairs in the mess hall which more often than not served as a lobby, as well as various other things. The hall was mostly empty, as each group of recruits was eventually picked up by their assigned commanding officer.

"Why the hell are we _last_?" Jean exclaimed finally slamming his fist on the table. "We were dragged out of bed bright and early and griped at not to be late, but our Superior gets to slack off?!"

The others were mostly silent and rather subdued, Reiner was the one who spoke up, arms crossed across his chest.

"Maybe they got held up by an important meeting."

Sasha let out a groan, resting her head on the table. "Maybe they died."

Connie jolted. "What?! Do you think our squad leader was some really old guy who just had a heart attack?!"

Sasha sat up straight with sudden energy. "No, I'm thinking maybe they just fell down the stairs!"

"Really how old-"

Ymir made a displeased sound, standing up quickly from her chair causing it to screech loudly on the ground. "Hey, idiots, there's someone coming."

The figure emerged, looking at first like just a regular recruit. She couldn't have been much older than any of them. 18 or 19 at the oldest.

She had a lazy stride and an overall look that most of them found oddly familiar.

And one particular member, Jean, found all _too_ familiar.

"Hey Newbies," She pulled up a chair at the end of their table and sat down to the surprise of the recruits.

She stretched, leaning back and kicking her legs up on the table.

Out of respect, every single one of the squad members had stood at attention, preparing to salute. She looked idly from person to person. "…what? Sit down trainees, you don't need to stand." They exchanged awkward glances, not daring to speak yet.

"The only reason I've been promoted so young is that I keep managing to survive every time my squad gets killed off. The last one that died was a lieutenant, so they needed someone to fill the spot." She yawned, slipping her legs from the table and leaning forward. "Protocol dictates that I give you a boring-ass oral run down of Survey Corps operations and all that bull." She pulled a neatly-folded pamphlet from the inside of her standard-issue jacket. "There's even a flippin' pamphlet and a tour involved!" She laughed, crumpling up the paper and tossing it to the side. "The higher-ups tell me that they're planning a big excursion in a few weeks that's why they're putting a rush order on you newbies' training. But let me tell you," she slapped a hand to her chest. "I didn't _get_ a nice squad leader to hold my hand. We had to go straight on patrol and then my Squad Leader got _eaten._" She raised her hands, and gave a falsely modest smile. "That's how I achieved my first promotion." She looked from each to each, taking in their expressions. The tall blond kid seemed to take umbrage with her indifferent and brash statements; the nervous kid behind him, just that, nervous. It was definitely a unique group.

"Now," she said, slapping a hand on the table. "Now that it seems I've thoroughly _disturbed_ you all, sound off so I can put a face to a name."

The tall blond kid huffed, sitting there with his arms crossed. "Reiner Braun."

She smirked, glancing at her file. "You're the highest ranked out of this group, I'm impressed already." She said wryly, turning her mottled gold gaze to the nervous kid.

"Uh…" His eyes darted down. "B-bertholdt, Huber, Ma'am."

"No need to call me ma'am, newbie. I'm not even 18. Next!"

The short boy who had seemed utterly transfixed throughout her speech. "Connie Springer, from Ragako village...m-" he cut himself off looking away.

Kretza chuckled. "Is that right?" She turned to the next one. "And you dear?"

"I am Sasha Blaus from Dauper village."

"Uh-huh…" Her gaze fell next on a startlingly petite girl who looked like she belonged in Utopia district.

She gave a warm luminous smile. "My name is Krista Lenz, nice to meet you."

Kretza did her best to smile at her. She hated it when perfectly kind people like her joined, it was almost inevitable that they would end up hopelessly broken far too soon.

"And you?" Kretza raised her eyebrow at the taller dark girl beside her. "My name is Ymir." Kretza met her gaze firmly.

"I see, next?" There was another girl who had been almost completely silent up until now.

"I'm Masha Bodtya." She said, looking to her right, where Jean had been sitting with his arms stubbornly crossed.

Kretza laughed again, putting her file down. "I don't need an introduction for you, _Jean_. And it looks like you're too stubborn to give it, anyway." He grunted, avoiding her eyes.

Kretza then stood up glancing around. "You can all call me Kretza." She turned on her heel, walking towards the exit. "Lukretzia Kirschtein is my full name, since I know you were wondering."

"Hey." Connie piped up as they all scrambled to follow her. "Does that mean you're related to Jean somehow?"

Ymir gave a scoff. "Idiot, just _look_ at her."

Kretza gave a cheeky grin. "I daresay I agree with Ymir, just look at how _pouty_ little Jean is." Her eyes lingered on Jean for a moment before looking straight ahead again. "First things first, we go to the stables. Horses are your life line in the survey corps."

Her troops nodded and followed her without much more to say.

The day had rolled to a close after a day of horse training and tours of the facilities. Kretza had hardly broken stride with her off-hand comments and sarcastic commentary. It was only when they finally returned to the dorms at HQ that it may have become too much.

She lead them through the lower hallway. "Your permanent dorm assignments have been issued, two hallways down is the "lobby" where the assignments are posted." She rubbed the back of her head. "But honestly, the roster changes so quickly that it doesn't really matter where you crash as long as you keep it _appropriate._" She yawned, bored at herself more than anything.

"Say Jean," Kretza said casually. "What happened to that Kid Marco you kept writing me about. Did he end up just joining the MPs after all?" Jean stopped in his tracks.

"Kretza…" he said slowly. "Marco's dead."

Her eyes widened and she stopped dead in her tracks. In that instant she remembered all the letters he'd written. Marco was his closest friend, his confidante, his inspiration. The way he talked made him seem almost head-over-heels for the kid. The bleak tone communicated only to her the depth of his grief. She looked at him with eyes torn between horror and despair as names and faces crowded her mind. Everyone that she had lost.

In contrast to her disintegrating internal state, she gave an indifferent shrug. "Man, that's…_unfortunate_. With how you talked about him I was hoping for a spring wedding."

Jean was quick to respond. "What about you? How's Erna doing?"

"She got transected by Titan jaws two months ago."

Suddenly, a large burly fist slammed into the wall fowled quickly by a loud booming voice. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you!? You're supposed to be a leader and _inspire us_! All you do is make nonchalant comments and jokes about people who _died. _And how find out that one of your brother's friends is dead like this and that's all you have to _say!?_" Reiner bellowed, staring down at her.

Kretza returned the stare, all humour vacating her face.

She took two long strides towards him and stared directly up at him, not breaking eye contact. "I've been in the Survey Corps for 17 months, 23 days and 5 hours. During that time I have _witnessed_ the death of 48 direct superiors, 11 commanding officers, _all_ of the trainees from my graduating class, and with that, 5 of them were my extremely close friends." Her face darkened and her voice began to quaver. "Even before that, like all of you, I saw trainees die during training and even before _that_-" She paused, breaking to glance over at Jean. "Let's just say that our home life wasn't exactly the _greatest_. Plenty of death there too." She stared back at Reiner whose expression was struggling to remain impassive. "With all that death, if I let _every single one of them _affect me as much as say Erna's does?" Her lower lip quivered. "If I broke down, and mourned as much as I _desperately _wish I could…Even _more _people would die. There'd just be more widows, more orphans, more-" she cut her words off, turning sharply away.

"You're all dismissed." She managed. "See you in the morning." She leaned up against the wall near the corner, burying her face in her arm.

She knew that not everyone had left, at least one remained, she didn't care who it was.

"I'm sorry." The gruff voice had turned softer and seemed genuinely apologetic.

She gaze a dry laugh, a few tears falling to the ground. "Wow, yeah. You really seem like the proper noble type…" she swore. "Why the hell are there so many good people here? Why is it always the good people that die for the sake of the assholes who cower behind the walls?" She sniffed, pushing herself off the wall, still keeping her back to him.

"Kretza…" Another voice said.

She blinked, recognising it as Jean. She turned around, her cheeks still wet and her eyes growing red.

"Why don't _you_ tell him?" He nodded towards Reiner. "Tell him about why you joined the Survey Corps."

She gave a forced laugh of disbelief. "Do you really wanna hear me talk _more_?" She placed a hand on her forehead. "I've already embarrassed myself enough."

"Fine." Jean said. "_I'll tell him._"

"No wait…" Kretza said, putting a hand out to stop him. "I…I'll just keep it short." She gulped. "I actually graduated top of my class, just like you did. And, I did what any other sane person would. I joined the MPs." Her eyes flashed across their expressions, she saw only a small change in Reiner's.

She wiped her face again. "I transferred out after a few weeks. Probably the only person to _ever_ pull a move like that. I think I made my feelings pretty obvious. The Military Police is a hopelessly corrupt batch of asshats." She turned away again, hoping to leave.

"But…" Reiner began. "…Why did you join the MPs in the first place?"

She gave a deep sigh. "Because." A silent tear fell down her cheek. She was glad that neither of them could see. "I had a brother that I needed to protect." She left without another word, disappearing down the dark.

Reiner moved to follow her, but Jean grabbed his arm. "Just let her be. She doesn't like being seen as weak. She'll be fine."

Reiner's brow creased. "I meant to ask earlier, but why didn't you ever mention that you had a sister?"

"It never came up. When I was asked about the letters, I just said they were from my family, because that's true." Jean slumped away in the opposite direction. "Like she said, our childhood was really rough. Dad walked out, mother died." He glared at the ground, his jaw clenching. "Kretza had to shoulder everything on her own, just to make sure we didn't _starve_." He just kept walking a head of him back to the dorm hall. "That's all in the past now." He glanced back at his friend. "We better go get some sleep." He said rather unconvincingly.

Reiner gave an affirmative grunt, keeping a wary eye on his friend's expression as they made their way to the lounge as Kretza had directed.

* * *

(a/n) hello and thank you to anyone bothering to read this! I do have a nasty OC habit, and readers of my most recent Fruits Basket fic will know how I also tend to make them close relatives of Canon characters.

Masha Bodtya who was briefly mentioned is another one of those whom I will flesh out in other fics. Lots of feels there too. I can't think about Marco without crying, and it dosn't freaking help that I gave him a cousin/adoptive sister.

This will be a relatively short one, it will also mostly just serve as an introduction to Kretza's character as i already have a few AU fics planned that will feature her.

Thanks again to reading!

-Lucy


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